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Hence my agreement to tolerate further episodes of such horrible company only transpired following a forthright discussion with my dear father, who thought I should accept an unsolicited offer from Postlethwaite to escort me as and when.

"But, father," I said, "the man has neither charm nor grace."

"Is that so, Steffanie?" He said.

"Yes, father. Webcam toe sucking. I dislike him, I could never... "

"Ay up, lass, I'll not have you lay with anyone you're not smitten with."

"Thank you, father."

"But make a pretence, lass, for your own sake."

Dear, dear father, he knew perfectly well I had no real interest in young gentlemen, least of all the cold, calculating Mr Postlethwaite, for whom prudence would require me to feign at least some enthusiasm for marriage, only to be rid of him at the earliest opportunity.

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